I went very quiet on the subject of psoriasis after my light treatment earlier this year. Thinking about it, I was just glad that my skin was cleared and didn’t have to worry about how I looked or feeling tired after another sleepless night. Things have been good, new job, new skin, well it’s like having new skin. Things seem to be on the up. I can walk through town in short sleeves without worrying about people staring at me, well they may look at me and think “put a coat on man, it’s winter”. It would be even better if I could shake off the feeling of being watched though. I can feel eyes burning into me, watching my every move as if they’re waiting for something. I can see this person out of the corner of my eye, partly hidden in shadow. I can’t make out their face, it’s almost like they’re not really there.
The person watching me is me, Simon with psoriasis. He’s there watching for any sign of weakness, winter coming, my recent cold, a few failures in the kitchen that have been stressing me out, a very busy time at work to pile on a bit more stress. The old Simon (okay younger Simon but you know what I mean) may have crumbled and given in to Psoriasis Simon. Ten years or so with this condition has taught me a lot and with words from friends and family ringing in my ears the fight is a little easier.
What Psoriasis Simon doesn’t know is that I know how to deal with a cold now and whilst a week or so ago I thought a flare up was coming, it was only a mini flare. Yes I still have a few more patches but they’re not red, they’re not too itchy and they’re calming down already. So many winters with psoriasis and I know how to deal with that. Yes work is busy, for the company I work for it is a very busy time of the year for us. Is it stressful? I guess it is, is it going to be an ongoing, tear your hair out kind of stress? No. It’s the good kind of busy, it means we’re doing well and it is a great bunch of people who I have the pleasure of working with. Dare I say that work is fun? Yes, I dare.
So to the kitchen, This has been harder to deal with. Food is my passion and with under-cooking, burning and dropping dinner in the sink, my temper has been strained and my brain a little frazzled. This is one of the toughest things for me to deal with, not being able to cook. As I rapidly lose my cool Psoriasis Simon looks on with a smirk, his scaly fingers reach out to take hold. year or so ago I may not have been able to shake loose from that grasp. Now, with a hug from my wife, a few minutes to myself and very long count to ten, oh and a “I am never cooking again” tantrum, the next night I am back in the kitchen.
I would like to say my return to the kitchen the next night was a success, I think it was. It seemed to be okay but my cold has been the type that I really can’t taste anything. Tagliatelle and pesto with added basil and extra garlic gave me a hint of flavour. The four measures in a JD & Coke meant I could actually taste the JD. This is stress for me, this is where Psoriasis Simon starts creeping back. Somehow I have kept my cool (ish), I have cooked each night apart from last night when my wife made a lasagne, which I am rubbish at and for the first time this week I could taste…… so maybe my cooking wasn’t too good after all.
This post, Being Watched, started of looking like one of my old depressing posts about psoriasis controlling me, making me mentally unstable and destroying my life. I’ve learnt to take moments like this and turn them around. Psoriasis Simon can watch, he can stare as much as he likes, I hope he enjoys the view of me getting on without him. I may even be nice enough to let him have some of my cooking.