Usually spring brings a very slight smile to the face of many psoriasis patients. The cold biting weather is on its way out and along with it goes the feeling like your skin is chapped all over. I had a particularly bad winter, my psoriasis flared up, joints ached from psoriatic arthritis and I generally felt fed up (putting it very mildly). So as I see the weather brighten up a bit and it gets warmer, I should be feeling better. Well, no actually, it hasn’t got any better for me at all. My skin is getting worse by the day and my joints feel like they’re aging a lot quicker than they should.
It’s not the weather that is the problem, it’s the long wait for a derm appointment, partly delayed in trying to get to see a GPSi first (GP with special interests). If I had known it would take so long, I would have just gone for the usual hospital appointment and prepared myself for battle with the consultant. Two weeks away from my next derm appointment I’m finding it hard to ready myself, I already feel defeated. Sleep has been hard to come by, energy levels feel low and as for my mental state………. hmmmmmm, not sure I should delve into there. It’s like a horror movie, the cellos are playing and you know you should never go anywhere if the cellos are playing.
As my skin has been particularly itchy and sore of late, with new patches appearing at an alarming rate, my nails have started to do some damage. Yes yes I know, I shouldn’t scratch. It’s easy for people to tell a psoriasis patient not to scratch. It is extremely difficult for us to actually stop, mainly because it feels so good. The only problem is even a light scratch just to relieve some of the itching, a gentle exfoliation as I call it, can result in frantic scratching and the more you scratch, the more you need to continue. It can take over, your mind tells you that you don’t care about the consequences. you just need to get that skin off you. When you start thinking that way its easy to see how this condition can take over and you could do yourself a lot more harm. As it is, I have several fresh scars which are self-inflicted, mainly on my legs which are affected the most.
Most of the itching and scratching comes at night, you know that point where you’re snuggled up in bed, about to nod off, that’s about when psoriasis wakes up. When you’re already tired, it becomes hard to resist the temptation to scratch. When you’re up and about, keeping busy, psoriasis stays quiet. This is the thing, you need to keep your mind busy to stop psoriasis beating you. It becomes a race to get into a deep sleep before psoriasis realises that you’re not doing anything to take your mind off it.
The really annoying thing is there seems to be moments when I don’t even have to scratch for my psoriasis to bleed. The spotted bed sheets are proof of that. It’s not a great sight to wake up to. Then you have the worry that if you bled during the night, you might bleed during the day so what do you wear. You’re getting ready for work and psoriasis is sat in the kitchen having a cup of coffee, it looks up, gives a wry smile and says “Good morning, have a great day”. Bleeding psoriasis, it’s a real pain in the neck, back, legs, all over really.