If you have been following my posts lately you may see that the light therapy I have been undergoing has improved my skin dramatically and I have now finished the course with practically clear skin. There does come a point where for the tiny patches of psoriasis that are left to be cleared, you risk burning your now healthy skin. The last week was getting a bit sore so we agreed to stop and really if you looked at me now you wouldn’t think I had psoriasis. So I should be happy yes? I am, I think, well mostly I am. Psoriasis has been part of my life for so long and will continue to be for the rest of my life so even with clear skin I cannot stop thinking about it, I just don’t have to think about it quite so much.
As soon as you become clear, especially after 4 courses of light treatment, I know this is only temporary and already thoughts of “when, not “if”, it will come back. I do have to remind myself that I should at least be happy for now and relax a little. So I’m relaxed and then comes another issue. It’s the summer, it’s hot and I’m planning to go to the local beer festival. So as I get ready I get out jeans, t-shirt, long sleeve shirt and baseball cap. I’m still covering up. Why do I need to cover up so much when I’m clear, why not show off my new healthy skin. Even with it out of sight, psoriasis is there nagging away in my head.
So I have got out the sunscreen to put on my arms, that’s fine I can cope with that. I will wear a baseball cap anyway as I can’t be bothered to do my hair and it’s actually could sun sense to wear a hat in this heat. Onto the legs. Hmmm, this is difficult. I have one pair of shorts, they’re old, scruffy and I wouldn’t wear them in public. In fact I’m not sure I would wear any shorts in public now. It has been over ten years since I last wore shorts in public in the UK. I will admit there’s a little bit of fear creeping in and I may be trying to find reasons for not showing my legs in public, I mean they’re a bit pasty and skinny, not a pretty sight. Yes I know this is a shock but I’m no David Beckham. So as it stands today I’m ok, I have no decent shorts so I can’t wear any anyway.
Did anyone notice I specified the UK before. On holiday I wear shorts, on holiday I don’t care, I’m not at home, I don’t know anyone. Here in the UK, in my hometown I become a lot more aware of my surroundings and my anxiety increases. I probably should see someone about that. I do laugh at myself sometimes though, thinking I’m worrying over nothing. The problem is that even though I know I’m worrying over nothing, it doesn’t stop me from having a slight attack of panic or anxiety.
So, my Dear Psoriasis, it’s nice to see you leave. You really don’t have to call, email or send me postcards to remind me you’re still around. I don’t think I could ever forget you.